In our Social Circle Mastery seminar Mr. M and I call this the “Golden Rule” for starting a new tree. Go for respect first and popularity second. It’s easy to gain popularity. It’s brutal to earn back the respect that you gave away up front. This applies with guys and girls.
Sometimes you may try to appease an asshole of the group or try to ‘go along to get along’ by doing what you think is popular, but the truth is you are only digging a deeper hole. This goes back to the old David D quote of, “Trying to trade status for acceptance and approval.” (We’ve all messed this one up). I know lots of guys who are popular, but are nowhere near acquiring a power broker seat within their social circle. Guys in the power broker seats date the hottest and most women in any given social circle.
This does not mean become the lame try hard guy who tries to play leader all the either. That will get you opposite of respect just as fast. You can easily gain respect without trying to be the leader. Just be real and act out of your own intentions regardless of what the group says or does without being to rigid either way.
Fuck this could, and may, turn into a 10 page post someday, but for now simply remember the golden rule of building a new social circle.
Respect first, popularity second. When you get good, you go for both at the same time.
Few of the things I think of when I think of respect. I’m sure there are many more….
1. Strong Boundaries
2. Don’t give people any more respect than they earn.
3. Honesty at all cost.
4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)
5. Shine by actions, not by words.
6. Abundance mentality (With everything)
7. People must earn your praise. Your praise is as rare as Gold. You don’t hand it out unless people truly deserve it.
8. You are never jealous. (See number 6)
9. Only laugh if something is truly funny. (No courtesy laughs) Yet, you would never withhold laughter.
10. You like, but don’t need others validation.
11. Apologize rarely, but it means a lot when you do.
12. Keep your secrets. Why would you share them with people who don’t matter?
13. “Don’t spend major time with minor people.” -Deleanor Roosevelt (I.E. Negative, people who make excuses…etc)
14. It’s hard to get “in” with you. You are nice to everyone, but you don’t get close to just anyone. They have to earn it. “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” -George Washington
15. Your time is precious. Don’t let people disrespect your time, yet expect you to respect theirs.
16. Don’t ask advice from the weak. Better yet, don’t ask advice from anyone who isn’t living the life you want to live.
17. Never lean or leak emotionally on other people. (May be the quickest way to lose respect. People who are not self reliant are disgusting!) This does not mean you can’t ask favors or advice. This means you are emotionally fragile and need others approval to know you are ok.
18. Never change your beliefs, values, sense of humor, or bend the truth in the face of value. (Read this one 100 times. Most important. Every time I have broke this law I’ve hated myself for it!!! Anytime someone breaks this law around me, I’ve hated them for it.)
19. Has no problem teasing or qualifying people of high value, because you don’t consider them higher value. You just consider them people. People with high and low value characteristics.
20. Favorite David D quote……Learn to say “No” a lot. Also, be ok hearing “No.”
Have a good holiday weekend!
If you are going to the lake, wear your arm floaties