Megan Fox
I’ve had a deep obsession with Megan Fox since the first Transformers. I’ve named our kids, I pray to her every night, and I sacrifice my healthiest goat each week in her honor.  I usually like blonds, but Megan Fox is probably the hottest girl I’ve ever seen…and she has bad ass tattoos. I would probably put a small country to the sword to be with her. (Yes…. women, children, and elderly too).
Then my asshole friend had to send me these two pictures of her weird spoon thumbs to ruin my life. I have been on a full week of mourning. She’s dead to me now. I’m laying in my floor crying as I write this.
Here’s a link to the exact condition:Â Click Here
I’m probably going to hell for admiting this, but I broke up with a girl in high school for having these weird spoon thumbs. I don’t feel to bad, I’m sure girls have moved on from me for something physical, so whatever.
However, this is a deal breaker. She’s as good as dead to me.  I would rather find out she has AIDS then this….maybe even a penis would have been less disappointing.
As far as I’m concerned, this proves there is no God. God would never allow something as perfect as Megan Fox to have such a grotesque flaw.
I know I know…”Braddock you are a bastard.” “Who do you think you are?” “You couldn’t get her anyway…bla bla bla”   She’s cut.
How could I take her serious in a heated argument or in the throws of passion if I caught a glimpse of that thumb?? Answer me that!!
As far as I’m concerned, I can move on now. It’s a clean break up. No baggage, no regrets.
Maybe if Megan and I had sex a bunch of times it would fix her messed up thumb.  It’s worth a shot.
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AAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHA!!!!!!!
‘However, this is a deal breaker. She’s as good as dead to me. I would rather find out she has AIDS then this…maybe even a penis would have been less disappointing.
As far as I’m concerned, this proves there is no God.’
Sometimes you really do crack me the fuck up, even if you’re not quite as tall as me, no one respects you, me on the other hand I’ve got the glory, the jewels, the Denali. Good times on the reg.
LA Pimp!!!
Not to mention, she seems to be a board member of the C U Next Tuesday society:
http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/03/michael-bay-trashes-megan-fox-talks-transformers-3-and-3d/
I’d read a few interviews with her where she seemed plucky albeit vapid. Apparently she has spoon thumbs and the personality of a broken dildo. RIP, my Megan Fox masturbation fantasies.
Wow, read that article. What a fucking bitch. Transformers was in my life before Megan Fox and it will be here after!
Although, she would make a nice Deceptacon with that spoon thumb.
Maybe…
Megaspoonatron?
Spoonimus Prime?
Spoonwave?
Thoughts?
Nice post. Love your blog