Fantasy Football Draft Better Than Sex? Maybe…
Fantasy football is probably my favorite thing in the world. I probably enjoy the fantasy football draft more than I do opening up presents on Christmas, pushing down the elderly, or even fist fighting children. (Before finding out about Megan Fox’s weird spoon thumb, see here, I would have said she was my favorite thing in the world). To bad she had to ruin it and break my heart by being a mutant freak show.
Anyway, me and my best friends from back home had our annual draft last week. My team is like Dolly Parton’s chest……STACKED!
We have a 12 man league which makes it tough because that means the waiver wire has fewer people on it than the stands at a LA Galaxy home game. You better draft well and love your team.
I mixed it up this year and went for my QB and receivers first. I almost always go after good running backs first, but this year I decided to try something different. We’ll see how it pans out. I’m looking kind of thin at running back, but I have a few sleepers that my friends gave me shit about but I think they will blow up as the year progresses.
Sleepers I Drafted This Year:
Eddie Royal: 90 something catches last year. This could be huge for me considering our league is a points per catch league. With Marshall acting like a 3 year old, Royal will probably see at least as much, if not more action than last year. The only downside to him is that he has possibly the shittiest quarterback on the planet.
Darren McFadden: All my friends talked shit about me reaching to get this guy, all the guide books said to wait for him in a late round, but you know what I say to all of that?  ….Fuck everyone!
Yes, his team sucks, yes his QB sucks, yes the Raiders owner is so old that he was Jesus’ middle school principle bla bla bla….. But, he was hurt all year last year. The two games he was healthy, he trampled the weak and hurdled the dead. When I watched him at Arkansas I used to get sexually aroused. This guy is a freak. I have a slight man crush on him like I do on Adrian Peterson. If McFadden stays healthy and has a big year, I will run away with my league.
Ray Rice: I think this guy will be awesome in my league this year. The Ravens ran it more than anyone in the league last year and the head coach jerks off to Ray Rice every night before he goes to bed. This bodes well for him getting the lion share of carries. He’s also a good receiver, so he’ll rack up the points.
Thank God fantasy football only lasts 16 weeks, because it could easily ruin my life. Its much more likely to ruin my life than booze, women, or drugs.
-Braddock
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Fantasy Football Has Begun!!!!
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