Dating Tips and Advice for Men» College Game Q and A

College Game Q and A

10/13/09Filed under: Pickup

Quote:

Originally Posted by pianoplaya

Hey,

Just saw Braddock‘s College Game videos. Fantastic stuff, especially Pt. 3. That was an eye opener as far as some situations in my social circles. In my house there are six of us, one guy who’s really alpha, one his close friends, and a few other guys we both know.

He’s cool with and nice to the other guys, they are more beta and don’t understand so much social structures and what’s going on. He is cool to me sort of when we are alone, but immediately slams me in group setting, and as Braddock said, he has the value from the deeper total relationships and just dominates, he puts me down and its hard to just stay indifferent, he just drills farther.

He switches on approval/disapproval at will with me, and only helps me out in a group setting when I make fun of some other guy for something, thereby helping me look bad and destroying my relationship with the other guys. I’ve heard him make a few comments behind people’s backs about them and laugh at how they are influenced by social pressure and things like that. I’m positive now it’s all conscious.

Looking for advice on what to do here. Braddock said to try hostile takeover, but I feel like my value in the group has already dropped so low they don’t even want to associate with me. I’d just give up and completely leave, but I live with them now and they are in my small graduate program, so it’s tough to just avoid them. It fucking sucks, I feel like I’m trapped now, like I have to win them over but I can’t, which obv makes me look dumber and with an agenda, I’m fucking nervous around my house most of the time, I’m not crazy, it just sucks being around group where this is going on. Advice guys? Would be much much appreciated.

1. Make sure you get good at guy rapport. If he’s teasing you, make sure you laugh it off and tease him back equally hard. Make sure you know the difference between: A). A bully B). A guy who is just playing and having fun C). A guy who is insecure. If you just kiss his ass or avoid him then he will think you are weak and crush you. If you tease him to hard then he will flare up even harder and assume you are weak.

I personally would tease him back, stop looking for his approval and ignore him most of the time. I would stay there only long enough to find a new Social Circle that fit me better. While I was forced to stay there I would draw good boundaries with him and try to convert him into a friend, but at minimum make sure he stopped that shit even if it ruined the relationship.
2. If he’s taking things to far, you need to have better boundaries man. Pull the guy aside and say, “Listen man I really like hanging out with you, but I don’t like the way you talk to me in front of everyone.”

3. If neither of these things work…..new group. If you find yourself terrorized by this guy and nothing seems to work, then break off and join a new social circle. Don’t wake up everyday full of anxiety stressing about how you are going to deal with this guy yet again. On the other hand, search yourself and make sure this isn’t an Inner Game issue that you need to spend some time on.

Is this a recurring theme in your life? Do you seem to find a bully like this no matter what group your in? If that’s the case then you need to spend some time working on being assertive and on boundary function. I suggest you read the book “Pulling Your Own Strings” by Wayne Dyer.

-Braddock

Want more on college game from Dating Coach Braddock? Check these out…..

Dating Coach Braddock On College Game (Part 1 of