The 6 Biggest Misconceptions About Attraction – By Neverender
Attraction is in my opinion the most important phase in the emotional progression model. If a girl isn’t intrigued by you, emotionally affected by you, or has some sort of sexual desire for you, you aren’t going to hold her interest very long, much less have a shot at getting involved romantically with her.
Game has evolved A TON since the days of the mystery method, and a lot of stuff you read from old books and forums probably isn’t relevant anymore. The instructors at Lovesystems are on the cutting edge on how to most effectively build attraction, and I encourage you guys to take a look at Lovesystems audio series, take a bootcamp, or read The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game to learn more about how the best guys are building attraction.
While on one hand there is the cutting edge theory on attraction, on the other hand lays a bunch of misconceptions or simply incorrect theory on how to get a woman attracted to you. In this post, I’m going to break down what I think are the 6 biggest misconceptions about attraction, and write a little bit on what you should replace these incorrect ideas with.
Misconception #6- Attraction Ends When Qualification Begins
While attraction does happen first in the emotional progression model, it’s a misconception to think that once you have generated attraction with a girl all your attraction work is now done.
Have you ever started talking to a girl, and right off the bat there is a ton of energy and excitement? She’s smiling and touching you, and hanging off every word you say, and its obvious she’s attracted to you. You move into the qualification phase, but 15 minutes into qualification it feels like the set has lost all its momentum. You can feel her pulling away, and finally she says she’s “gotta go home and feed her cats, but it was nice meeting you”- What happened???
One of the most important things ATTRACTION NEVER ENDS. Its important to always be ‘spiking’ attraction to keep the interaction fun and interesting or else all the attraction you built early on will fizzle out, the set will get boring, and eventually fall apart. Failing to intermittently spike attraction throughout the interaction is the number one cause of mid-set blowouts and entering the friends zone.teaches is
How do I know when I need to spike attraction? Calibrating when to spike attraction comes from spending time in field. You have to keep going out there and getting blown out over and over until you start to get a feel for when the interaction needs a spike and when it needs more qualification or comfort. The more you go out and try it the faster you will learn. This is another reason why bootcamps and 1-on-1 coaching sessions are so helpful. Instructors are very good at identifying how much more or how less spiking your game needs.
Misconception #5- Attraction is Generated Mainly Through DHV Stories.
A DHV for those of you guys who are reading about game for the very first time is a ‘Demonstration of Higher Value.’ DHV stories are stories you tell a girl that reveal attractive qualities about you and your life.
While DHV stories can be helpful in getting a girl intrigued by you, DHV stories in themselves are not typically tools you use to generate really strong attraction. Braddock will be the first to tell you that he doesn’t use very many DHV stories at all. Personally, I have 3 DHV stories I could go to if needed, but in a lot of sets I don’t use them at all either.
So what do guys like Braddock use to generate attraction? The best techniques to generate attraction are push/pull, banter, and role-plays. Getting good at these three things will take your attraction game to the next level, not telling girls about the time you went to Costa Rica, and got to pet a sloth (Although I’m telling you it was AAAAWWWEEESSOOOMMMEEE!).
Misconception #4- Conversation Needs to be Meaningful
On the contrary, most of the things you hear from instructors while they are building attraction with women will often be outrageous, nonsensical, and meaningless. For example, I Live in Vegas so when a girl asks me what I do for a living, I’ll often say stuff like “Are you judgmental? I’m a male stripper. My stripper name is Sex Panther. I was supposed to work tonight, but I was out of body glitter so I called in sick. Do you think I would look hotter dressed as a fireman or a police officer?”
While there is certainly a time and a place to have real in depth conversation, I think there is a tendency for guys to over-evaluate how important or meaningful the conversation often needs to be. In most cases, being able to ‘Bring the fun’ as Sinn would say is going to be way more helpful to you in progressing things further in the interaction than talking about something you think is important.
Misconception #3- Stating Interest in a Girl is a Bad Thing
In the old school mystery method version of game, there was a huge emphasis on the idea of keeping your interest in a girl undercover. You were often encouraged to use an indirect opener when you approached a girl, and if you did finally express interest it was often late in the interaction. Interactions also had a tendency to lack sexualization, particularly compared to how instructors are teaching it today.
If you watch instructors nowadays, you will notice that almost all they do is go direct when approaching. They also often begin sexualizing the conversations very early as well. Its calibrated, and you shouldn’t take what I’m saying as an excuse to be disgusting or sleazy, but understand there is nothing wrong with telling a girl ‘”You are gorgeous” or “I like you, but I can already tell this would be all fights and make-up sex.” in many cases, you are going to need these sorts of stronger statements of interest to keep the interaction moving forward, and out of the friends zone.
Misconception #2- Negging is a Good
While teasing and push/pull are great for building attraction and making the interaction fun, negging is something entirely different. Braddock has really emphasized that negging is something that shouldn’t be done at all.
“Going in with the intention of negging a girl is a really unhealthy mindset…. Saying something like ‘you have something in your teeth’ or ‘is that hair real?” just causes bad emotions and it very rarely works. The only time I say something painful to a girl is when I’m doing boundaries, but arbitrarily saying something shitty to a girl is ridiculous.” -Braddock
Misconception #1- Be Nice
WITH THAT SAID, while you shouldn’t be negging, guys who are new to this on average are WAY too nice to girls in set.
I tease A LOT now, but I was told by a couple of instructors at Superconference that I still give off too much of a nice guy vibe. I’m presently working up the courage to spend a month focusing on nothing but intentionally trying to find the boundaries on what I can say and how quickly I can physically escalate before I’m taking it too far. If you don’t know where the boundaries are, you will never know how much you can push your interactions, and you won’t get the results you want.
A great article to read on this subject can be found on Future’s blog. In his ‘Big 10,’ Future lists the rule ‘Discover boundaries, don’t determine them ahead of time.’ Its awesome advice that I admit I still haven’t fully internalized. Check out the article here –>http://www.futuristicwords.com/?p=438
Take some time to think about your own game and if any of these misconceptions could be illustrated by you. Are you stopping with attraction 5 minutes into the conversation, and never bringing it back up again? Are you being too logical with what you are saying? Are you coming off as too much of a nice guy? Spend some time working on fixing just one of these mistakes and you will see your game skyrocket!
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