Write out each detail from opening, transitioning, teasing, when you would move her, what you would say to mover her, when/why you would do takeaways, when you would do statements of interest, qualifying her, comfort building topics, how you would ask for her number….etc.

I suggest you do one of these per night before you go to bed. This will allow you to work through your sticking points on paper and think them through.  Things happen so fast in a bar or club it can be hard to see where you are getting stuck.

If you are new it can be frustrating because you may not be getting much farther than opening and fizzling out after a few questions.  That’s ok.  Keep going out and opening and fizzling out, because that is a key part of the learning curve. However, use this exercise to help you train to last a little longer.

The better you get, the more this exercise will help because it will help you think through logistical puzzles that constantly pop up and how to deal with them.  Maybe you always lose girls because her friends pull her away.  Well, sit down and think through how you could handle that.  How could you preframe her so she won’t be so receptive to her friends pulling her away?  How could you intercept and include her friends giving you enough time to calm them down and win them over?

It should look like this:

Braddock: “Hi, your really cute.”

Girl: “Thanks.”

Braddock: “Where are you from?”

Girl: “Bla bla bla.”

Braddock: “Bla bla bla.”

Hope this helps,

-Braddock

Did you guys find this post useful?  Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

Like this post?  Check out these posts from Dating Coach Braddock…..

How to Get Good With Women Fast

How to Flirt With Women: The Art of Push/Pull

Dating Coach Carbeau: Flirting With Women

The most common way we learn our dating habits is through modeling the behavior of others.  It starts with modeling our parents when we are children, then through watching our friends, movies, etc…

When you hear someone say, “That guy is a natural” what they really mean is he had some great modeling as a child.  When you think back to your childhood who did you accidentally model?  Was your dad a smooth confident guy?  Were you raised by a single mom who was overly religious and guarded?  Were you raised by parents who had a healthy loving and caring relationship?  Were you raised by parents who fought all the time and were basically roommates?

These models have a profound effect on you and will continue to play out in your own life if you are not aware of them and you don’t change them.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with most people.  If your dad was a wimp who got pushed around by your mom, you’ll likely find yourself in similar relationships.  If your dad was overbearing and dominated women in an unhealthy way, you’ll likely find yourself dominating women in relationships.

We tend to be identical to one or a combination of our parents belief systems in regards to love and relationships.  We must be careful about the lessons we internalize and hold as fact.

Modeling Family
Just because someone we love and look up to did something a certain way, doesn’t make it the best/right way.  Sadly we learn these behaviors at such a young age, they are now autopilot responses.  We do them automatically and have a blind spot to how they might be holding us back.  These blind spots could rear their head in multiple arenas depending on who you modeled.

If your dad married the wrong woman or was cheated on he probably taught you to be impatient and bitter toward women in general.   If your dad was a weak guy who was just happy to have ‘a’ wife, then you were probably taught to put women on a pedestal and accept any and all behavior to please her.  If your dad was a distant father who cheated on your mom but was loving and charismatic to the rest of the family, you probably learned that deep meaningful relationships with women are unrealistic and you learned to stay distant and guarded.  Maybe your dad cheated on your mom and you saw how hurt your mom was, so you went the polar opposite.  You have vowed to never hurt a woman and you’ve taken it so far that you feel guilty if you even tease a woman or shoot her straight.

Maybe you had a father who you look up to as if he is a superhero and he is amazing in most areas of life, but has a terrible relationship with your mother, but despite this you follow his relationship/dating advice dogmatically because you can’t stand the idea of letting him down. You’ll follow his advice even at the risk of marrying the wrong women and having an unsatisfying relationship for years just so you don’t disappoint him.  Then when you have a son, you do the same thing to him, because that’s what you modeled and you don’t even know you are doing it to him.

Modeling Friends
I think picking a healthy peer group is one of the most important decisions of your life.  We’ve all heard the saying, “You are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”  I couldn’t agree more.  Just because a friend is a good friend, a good person, great at business, or even great at attracting women, doesn’t mean you should model how he handles relationships.  Some of the most charismatic friends I’ve ever had who could attract the hottest women and sleep with any girl they wanted, were absolutely terrible at keeping an amazing woman or having a healthy relationship.

Some of those great tactics that cause deep levels of attraction can be taken to far and cause a toxic relationship where it’s nothing but fights and jealousy.  The relationship becomes a constant power struggle where the primary tools of expressing love are jealousy, withdrawal, and unhealthy boundary function.  It’s not about connected and dating their equal, it’s about dominating a woman and making sure she knows who has the power.  Well, if you are modeling this, you can expect to end up in the same relationship prison.

We often assume success in one area of life must mean success in all areas of life.  I have mentors who are great at attracting beautiful women, but this in no way makes them qualified to be a mentor in relationship management unless I have seen them in a loving healthy relationship.  Be careful about modeling the behaviors, thought patterns, and actions of someone you consider successful.

Even worse is modeling the unhealthy friend who is jaded by women.  These are the guys who are charismatic with guys and speak from such a place of authority it can be easy to get sucked into their reality and believe what they say and think.  Often times these guys are extremely smart and interesting, but because they are either bad with women or were hurt by a woman they spew their negative beliefs onto anyone who is willing to listen.   I was one of these guys for a while.  I remember after one of my girlfriends dumped me there was about a year and a half where I hated women.  I saw them all as trying to use men, manipulative, fake, not loyal, and just genuinely despised them.  I’d spew my hate about women to all my friends and look for any shred of evidence I could find to validate my dark world view.  I’d joke negative about women, jump on any opportunity to help my friends find reasons to dump their girlfriends and was on a search and destroy mission to find, sleep with, and crush every women in the tri state area.

Because I’m a charismatic guy and I was still good enough to sleep with women despite being jaded, my friends couldn’t help but model my behavior, but what a horribly unhealthy model for my friends to follow.   I still feel guilty about the things I accidentally taught the guys around me and damage I probably caused in their lives and relationships.

Model specific behaviors, overall character, and overall proactive thought patterns.  Don’t necessarily model their life.

Modeling Gurus
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is modeling the wrong dating coach.  I did it….we all do this.  Be very careful about this or you could find yourself running around a club wearing a top hat and 12 inch platform shoes.  This industry is full of weird guys who hate women, have deep issues, are not as good with women as they say they are, over hype how good they are with women, and write tons of blog posts and articles that are half truths at best.

Be careful about accepting any dating advice as fact and be leery of modeling the thoughts and opinions just because a guy says he’s a dating coach. Take the time to read numerous posts from that particular dating coach and try to read between the lines and figure out where he’s coming from.  Does it sound like it’s coming from a good place….a healthy place?  Is it coming from a confident guy who is sharing what works or is he constantly trying to prove himself to an unknown audience?   Does it sound like a guy trying to get validation from men by bragging?  Is he writing to impress or teach?  Does what he say sound WAY to good to be true?  It probably is.

Another big problem I have with the community is many of the guys who teach this are not qualified to teach and those that are often write about and teach things that happen 1 out 100 times instead of teaching about what happens 99 out of 100 times.  A lot of guys give no context for the things they teach or the things they tell you to say.  Things like “negging” have caused huge problems for guys all over the world.  There are guys all over the world going up to girls and saying rude comments like, “You have shit in your teeth.”   The idea of negging  is fine if it is explained properly, but it’s not, so good guys end up getting blown out by girls and coming across really creepy.

Guys will over hype things like bathroom pulls and other things that sound exciting on paper.  They don’t tell you that they do those rarely and the girl usually is average looking at best. They make it sound like they are going out and pulling super models in the bathroom every night.  If you read this and try to model it, you will find yourself frustrated and might even feel bad about yourself wondering why you can’t get the same result.

Worse than anything, if you are modeling the mind sets of some of these guys, you are modeling a really unhealthy guy and modeling 1/2 truths that aren’t even real.  Some of the guys I’ve met through this don’t need to be giving advice to anyone and could use a bump in the dosage of their psych meds.  Make sure the guy you are modeling is healthy or you will ultimately pay the price.

Who should you model?
Modeling the right dating coach or natural can be extremely helpful.  Going to a bootcamp and watching guys who are amazing with women is priceless.  Hearing the mindsets and beliefs of guys who are fantastic with woman can really set a good course for your dating life especially if you don’t have anyone who is good to model.

Make sure whoever you model is getting the results you want.  If you meet a guy who is great with women, but all the girls he dates are damaged unhealthy women, you will be setting yourself up to attract the same kind of women.  Model someone who is getting the results you want.

If you want a relationship, don’t model the guy who bangs 4 girls per week but hasn’t had a real relationship in his life.  If you want 1,000 one night stands, don’t model the guy who is constantly in a long term relationship.  That doesn’t mean you can’t steal a page out of each guys playbook, but who you’ll want to put your main focus of modeling people who are getting the exact result you want.

Model behaviors and thoughts…Don’t try to be that person..

Be careful when you model people that you don’t try to become that person.  A lot of guys who were trying to model Mystery became weird carbon copies of him.  I had a friend in college who tried really hard to do what I was doing and it got strange at times.  He would use the exact jokes I would normally say and had pretty much copied the way I dressed, talked, joked, etc…   It was not flattering to me. It annoyed me, it came off weird to our friends, and it creeped out the girls that knew him before he started doing that.

Also, don’t tell people you are modeling them.  It creates a weird dynamic if you go out with a guy and you can tell he’s trying to be you.  It’s ok to tell people you want them to mentor you, but you have to keep your identity and be your own person.  Never try to become the person you are modeling.

Also, just because a guy is a good model to learn from, doesn’t mean he’s a good guy to continuously go out with.  I’ve had friends who were drastically better than me in the past, but they were so good that I felt like the little tree  that was surrounded by trees so big, I couldn’t get any light to grow. They got so much attention, that I would almost feel worse about myself when I would try to keep up.  That’s ok.  Spend some time going out with these guys and spend some time going out with guys more on your level so you can grow as well.  When you go out with these guys, use it as an opportunity to learn, not as a competition.

What if you are forced to be around bad models?
You’re not FORCED to be around anyone.  You choose who you spend your time with and can choose to go through the pain of clipping bad friends and finding new healthy social circles. I’ve done it 3 or 4 times in my life.  It was hard, but it was well worth it in the long run.  But, I do have family members who I love, but are not the best models in certain areas who I do spend time with.  What I’ve done with these people is never give them a platform to taint my thoughts or accidentally corrupt me with the bad models they demonstrate.  For example if they have a terribly unhealthy relationship, I NEVER discuss my relationships with them and will only discuss theirs if they are asking for advice.  This means changing the subject, stop asking bad models for advice, stop letting them give you advice, and avoiding certain topics with them.

You have to guard your inner game like it’s Fort Knox.  Don’t let unhealthy people pave the way for your thoughts.  Surrounding yourself with healthy people will help you think and behave more healthy.

Summary
•    I personally feel one of the keys to success with attracting women and having a healthy dating life is being able to model certain attributes from different people who are successful in specific areas.
•    Model the behavior and thoughts, not the man in most areas.  There are those few anomalies who have the entire package.  Mr. M and I call these kind of people, guys who are going Supernova.  They are blowing up and extremely successful, happy, and healthy and all the most important areas of life.  I only know about 5 people like this and they are amazing people.
•    Healthy models are key but at minimum, we must have the awareness to recognize a bad model so we don’t blindly follow the same path.  Surrounding yourself with good models will allow you to pick up the positive attributes of who they are through osmosis.  You can’t help but be affected by the people you spend the most time with.

Action Step:
1. Develop a sense of awareness:  Take inventory of how your parents beliefs about dating, love, sex, and attraction were transferred to you.  Write down how your beliefs might be identical or opposite to either of them.

2. Reflect:  Write down how this modeling has effected your dating life.  Also write down how modeling certain friends beliefs have effected your dating life.

3. Hit Reset: Become aware that this way of moving through the world isn’t necessarily you, but simply what you’ve learned.  You now have a choice to be different and pick new models that are proactive to the goals and dating life you want.  Now find models that align with what you are looking for in the form of natural friends, dating coaches, DVDs, audios, or books.

-Braddock

Did you guys find this post useful?  Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

Like this post?  Check out these posts from Dating Coach Braddock…..

How to Get Good With Women Fast

How to Flirt With Women: The Art of Push/Pull

Dating Coach Carbeau: Flirting With Women

This sums up Texas.   Love doing Austin Bootcamps so much.  Besides Stockholm…I would say Austin Texas has the hottest girls on the planet.    The students killed it tonight…..

-B

The phone and text game is coming out in 2 days….

Wow.  I’m so glad this book is coming out.  I’m really proud of this book.  I feel like this book is pretty ground breaking and goes well beyond phone and text game.   I spent over a year writing this book and breaking down the concepts.  This book will help you on so many levels.  The people who have read this book looked at me like I was crazy because I put in so much stuff that has very little to do with phone and text game.  I did this because I wanted it to be all encompassing.  I hate when I buy a book and it leaves massive knowledge gaps.

I feel like most of the products on the market, with a few exceptions, are simply written with the goal of making money in mind.  They are not written to truly teach.  This book, as well as all of my seminars, are always born out of my love for teaching.

Here is a link to the new phone and text game book

-Braddock

Like this post?  Check out these posts by Dating Coach Braddock….

Phone and Text Game Book Launch

Phone and Text Game: How To Reduce Flaky Numbers

Christmas Phone and Text Game

Help With Text and Phone Game

Hey guys,

Tomorrow at 6pm (Pacific Time), Savoy and I are doing a conference call on Phone and Text Game. This is the last one we will do so I suggest you sign up. You can sign up here.

Phone and text game is one of the most important phases of the game.  I realized this the hard way.  I went out and mastered every facet of approaching women and building attraction, yet I would lose countless amazing women by making drastic mistakes with phone and text game.   Sometimes I would  over text or call to much. Sometimes I would try to be overly funny  when I should have just chilled out and invited her over.

Phone and text game can be one of the most frustrating pieces of talking to women. You quickly realize that building attraction or even making out with a woman does not mean she will see you again.  I can’t tell you how many times I went out and got 5 or more numbers in a night just to have none of them call or text me back. So frustrating.

If you are meeting more than 70% of the women you date through cold approach, then you are likely frustrated as hell by how many women you lose through phone and text.  Meeting women through your social circle comes with its own set of problems, but cold approach can make you feel like you are going crazy.  You have to change your mindset.  While some of the mistakes are definitely yours, cold approach creates a level of flakiness that will make you feel terrible inside.  You think you have a connection, just to have a women consistently go cold when you text or call.

Just like learning to build attraction is a skill set that takes time, phone and text game is a skill that takes time.  The book I just wrote won’t fix you over night, but it will give you a framework to build a strong skill set from.  The book is full of do’s and dont’s and examples.  It will take time for you to develop a style that fits you, but the book will show you what you are doing wrong.

When you read the book, don’t read it hoping for magic lines that get the girl to come over.  It’s not that kind of book.  Read it hoping to make sense of the mistakes you are currently making.  Look at it for places you could make changes.

Tomorrow we will answer more of your questions.  I know Savoy only reserved a certain amount of spots so make sure you at least go over and reserve a spot so you can listen in.

I look forward to talking to you guys tomorrow,

-Braddock

Sign up here:  Phone and Text Game Conference Call

One of the most fun workshops of 2009 was helping Savoy at the fist Playboy Mansion.   Seeing the Playboy Mansion is cool in its self, but from a workshop perspective it’s easily the most fun.  I’ve been to a million clubs all over the world and I’ve never seen that many hot girls in one location.

Starlight is doing a group 1 on 1 at the Playboy Mansion. If you have been thinking about doing a one on one, this is probably about as good of an opportunity as you are going to come across.  Another good thing about this group one on one, is that it will likely turn into an army of instructors helping you out, because everyone is dying to go to the Playboy Mansion.  That’s rare for a one on one.

Don’t miss this!

-B

Guys,

I posted the reviews below because I want the seminar to speak for itself.  The inner game seminar is the most important work of my 20’s.  In concert with the developments Mr. M and I made in Social Circle Mastery, this seminar will definitely be one of the proudest achievements of my life.  This seminar is full of tools that every man should know and if I ever have a son, this is exactly what I will teach him when I feel he is ready and mature enough.  I will teach him what it means to be a man that naturally attracts women, stand with true unwavering confidence, and what it means to truly have self esteem.

This seminar WILL NOT “fix you.”  Please do not come to my seminar hoping I will “fix you.”  If you come to this seminar, come with an open mind and a willingness to make long term changes in your life.  What long-term changes you will reap from this seminar are 100% up to you.  I’ve done my homework, went through the trials and tribulations, and broken down, not all, but some of the most crucial inner game elements as they apply to life and dating. I have synthesized them into a seminar that can be used as a road map of work YOU can do to shorten your learning curve.

This seminar, as any seminar I teach, should be seen as a tool of mentorship. A mentor can NEVER erase the learning curve, and I in no way hope to do so.  However, a mentor can and should reduce that learning curve and give you a compass pointing true North.  From there it’s all about creating good habits, following the path laid before you, seeking out reference experiences, and seeking out new and greater mentors. As you can see from the guys below, when you do apply it, your daily and dating life will change dramatically.

The inner game seminar is all about showing you your blind spots. Some of which you have always been aware of, but had no idea/did not give yourself permission/did not have the leverage to change. The inner game seminar will give you awareness to certain things you may not have known were possible.  I love the simple, but very deep quote, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” That quote is so very true and the exact reason we all need mentorship in different areas of our lives.

If you have always looked at life or filtered your thoughts from the same perspective, then you are missing out greatly.  Having someone show you different blind spots and different perspectives can be one of the most freeing experiences of your life.  I know it was and continues to be for me. For years I felt stuck in a self imposed prison I had no idea how to escape.  If I would have had the mentors or the books to open the lock and show me how to walk out I would have done it. However, I had tunnel vision and saw the world as only ‘black or white.’  As a result, I couldn’t get out of my own way and become the man I was meant to be.

That’s sad, because I wasted years of my life full of anger, pain, narrow minded world views, and misguided goals.  Remember, a belief is only real to the person who believes it.  The fact that you choose your beliefs does not make them fact.  Were your beliefs born out of your own experience? Parents conditioning? Negative experience that have caused you pain? Positive reinforcement from your peer group?

Checking where the root of your beliefs are born is the first step to mastering your Inner Game.  Getting rid of beliefs that don’t serve you or even hold you back and replacing those beliefs with ones that facilitate long term over short term gain is the second step.  Changing your beliefs can be a tough pill to swallow, especially if they are long held.  Even worse, is when we refuse to change a belief because we are so married to it we hold it as fact, deny evidence proving the contrary, and  even get a secondary gain from maintaining it even when it is holding us back.  That’s a tough situation that can take months or years to unwire.

I love the quote,

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are–or, as we are conditioned to see it.” -Stephen R. Covey

Of all the quotes I have saved in a journal over the years, this one seems to hold the most truth.  As your inner game improves, you instantly start to see the world in a different light, dating in a different light, and women in general in a different light.  In the last few years I find it much harder to hold a grudge, accept bad behavior, feel prolonged jealousy, maintain negative thoughts, and assume most people are bad or out to get me.

The inverse is also true. When I was at my lowest point I had a hard time not screwing things up, I constantly accepted bad behavior, was painfully jealous, held decade long grudges, pushed away good friends and mentors, constantly looped negative thoughts, violently defended my belief system, and flat out looked for conflict.

Hopefully you can see how these two distinctly different world views can play out in your dating life and important relationships.  You can only fake being a happy centered guy with his shit together for so long.  At some point your true self will be exposed and as Mr. M says, “If there is smoke, at some point people better be able to see the fire.”

Is it time to stop faking the smoke and truly build a fire?

-Braddock

Question: How does the inner game seminar change your game?

“I have read a few reviews of the inner game seminar done by Braddock and it makes me want to save up and take it later in the year hopefully. But the reviews I have read don’t really say what has changed in their game long after the seminar. Could anyone who has taken tell how it changed their game in the months after? And also if they took a bootcamp?”

Answer: The below are responses by previous Inner Game seminar Attendants

Tigerguy,

Hey man. I took Braddock and Mr. M’s Inner Game seminar last February in NYC. The seminar is packed with useful information, and depending on where you are in your development, you will get different things out of it. However, it is also the type of seminar such that, if you take good notes, you will get things out of your notes months down the line that you didn’t even pick up on when you first attended. I also took Social Circle Mastery (highly recommended) and can say the same for that seminar.

To give you the biggest concrete example of how the seminars affected my life: over the summer, I started out in a program with 100 people my age, and we all came from different universities. It was a 2 month training program that was work-related. Applying what I learned in the inner game seminar really helped me to move along the “boyhood to manhood” continuum. I dislike using “PUA” language but since we are all familiar with it, this was a DHV in itself, which allowed me to use more effectively what I learned in the SCM seminar. Results: I knew everyone in my program by the end, people looked to me for fun (organizing social events, suggesting ideas for what to do after-hours), and (probably most important to you) I was hooking up with the hottest girl in the program for the last month of it. While I considered myself to be a social person and able to hold my own in most social interactions, I learned a lot from both seminars. And during the 2 month program, I knew what I was doing, consciously. In fact, I honestly believe that had I not taken either of these seminars, the 2 month program would have gone differently for me. I like this example because in the program everyone started out with a clean slate, ie, no one knew each other so everyone started out at level 0. So I think it is sort of like saying “holding all else constant, these seminars really do work.”

A word of advice though, the stuff you learn is really powerful and effective, but don’t put the cart before the horse. Understand that it is not a “magic bullet” or shortcut, and it requires that you have goals and a life outside of pickup. In fact, one of the things that I enjoyed most about the February Inner Game seminar was that they really stressed the fact that this whole process is about developing into your best self, ie, having goals, not seeking validation from others, being assertive (among other ideas). They call the point when you reach your best self “going supernova,” and they really gave us the tools to do that in Inner Game. SCM was like another layer to add when you have your inner game at a reasonable level. If you’ve read Stephen Covey’s the 7 habits, Inner Game is sort of like the “Private Victory” and SCM is sort of like the “Public Victory.”

Hope that helps you to make your decision.”

Mark W,

“I was also at the seminar with Braddock and MrM in New York last Feb. At the time, I had not taken a bootcamp but have since then.

When you go, make sure you take as much notes as possible. I did and have been able to refer back to them constantly. The material in the inner game seminar is unlike anything you have come across before. It draws from elements of self help, dating science and neuroscience. But the biggest and best element is the personal experience which MrM and Braddock inject to the seminar. This makes it so much more realistic and applicable. A book would not be able to communicate this in the same way.

In terms of what I got out of it at the time, was an understanding of how people fundamentally interact, how guys/girls brains work, various alpha male traits and how to assert boundaries. These were all great to learn and use in social situations but it also came into play at work and with my family.

My life has changed a lot since then. Having had time to try everything out, I can honestly say it was the most worthwhile seminar/product in this whole genre. I still refer back to my notes from here more than any other set of notes I have. The boundary function topic alone is worth the price of the seminar. To have that explained in such a way was like a chain reaction of epiphanies!

It really is hard to explain just how good this seminar is. I’ve never heard anyone say a bad word about it and you get a full refund if you don’t like it – so nothing to loose really.

Hope this helps.”

Whim,

“I took the seminar at the Superconference in Vegas this year.

Echoing what Tiger & Mark have said, it is an incredible seminar. When most people in the Community think of “inner game” they think of woo-woo new-agey exercises and “learning to appreciate” and all that jazz.

Inner Game as taught by Braddock & Mr M is *completely* different. It’s about practical, very conscious tools and structures that you can apply continuously throughout your life.

It’s basically teaching you the transition between being a boy and being a man. It’s all the stuff that your dad would have taught you if you grew up in an agrarian or feudal society. Beyond that, it teaches you character traits that Braddock and Mr M have modelled from people who are at the top of their game in life – if you’ve ever what it is that separates that top 1% of the population (in terms of women, money, success) from the rest, the seminar fills in that gap.

- Whim

The next Inner Game Seminars will be:

Los Angeles        =    January 28

New York City    =    March 18

What did you guys think about this post?  Comment below and let me know.

Like this post?  Check out these posts by Dating Coach Braddock

-Braddock

Bobby Rio at TSB Magazine just posted a “Top 10 Dating Coaches of 2009″ list.

Check it out:  “TSB’s Top 10 Dating Coaches of 2009″

If you voted for me thanks!  If you DID NOT vote for me, hide your dog.  I warned you I’d put him/her to sleep if you miss placed your vote… 

What did you guys think about the list overall?  Post a comment and let me know what you think….