A Few Inner Game Dating Basics
3 Inner Game Basics
Inner Game Rule # 1: Lose outcome dependence
-When hanging out
-After a date.
-Lose that need for any kind of response. You “need” air, food, water…you don’t need a 22 year old girl you just met’s approval.
Inner Game Rule #2: Don’t create internal meanings by external outcomes
-Internal vs. external: Something bad happens like a blowout or a girl telling you she is not interested and you define your self worth off that one stupid event.
-“There is no failure, there is only feedback.” Her blowing you off could be something you did wrong in your approach, she could be having a bad day, 500 dudes in a row have hit on her, she has a boyfriend, bla fuckin bla….who gives a shit. If it happens a lot, than it still is not a measure of “you as a person.” It simply means you need to change your approach.
Inner Game Rule #3: Meaning = Emotion
-What meaning you attach to things will determine how you feel. Change the meaning, you change the feeling. If you think having pre marital sex is evil, you will feel guilt, shame, and anxiety. If you think sex is fun and awesome, you will get excited, look forward to it, and feel joy before/during/after.
-If a few hot girls rejecting you and a few ugly girls sleeping with you means “Oh no. The evidence is in. Hot girls don’t and would never like me. I only get ugly girls.” Than every time you are around hot girls you will likely feel shame, less than them, inadequate, etc.
If a few hot girls rejecting you and a few ugly girls sleeping with you means, “Damn it. Hotter girls give me less margin for error because they have more options. I need to keep doing my exercises and approach and interact with more of them so I can build up my arsenal for girls like that” …….Than seeing them will give you a feeling of excitement of facing a worthy adversary and every time you get a little further with one you will smile and feel good that you are making progress.
-If you make the meaning that “Every time I talk to a hot girl I need to make it count and I hope I don’t mess up because that would mean a lot. She would think I’m a loser and my friends would think less of me and the other people in the bar would see my true colors!” Wow. You are making a meaning that every approach is the super bowl? That’s rough. If you made the meaning, “Any one approach or conversation means nothing. It’s the law of increasing averages. If I talk to a bunch of girls I’m naturally going to get better and some of them I’ll connect with and a lot of them I won’t. No big deal.” That meaning takes a TON of pressure off. The pressure is real or not real. It’s all in the meaning you make.
Step back and look at what meanings you are attaching to things. Don’t make up some bullshit meaning you won’t believe. Just step back and say, “Am I making a meaning out of this that isn’t even necessarily true? Is there another meaning that is ALSO just as true that would serve me better?
What does going out mean to you?
What does a blowout mean to you?
What does a girl not texting you back mean to you?