Inner Game Tip: Be a Kid in a Toy Store – By Neverender
Inner Game Friday’s
INNER GAME BABY! Its my favorite aspect of game, and it has had a dramatically powerful effect not just on how I interact with women, but on my entire life. When invited me to start journaling on his blog, we both agreed without question there needed to be a weekly post on inner game. There’s truly an endless amount of inner game stuff to cover so lets get started!
Beliefs and a Quick Definition of Inner Game
From the time you were born, the people around you and society in general have had a major influence over the things you believe and how you perceive the world. Since no one has experienced life exactly the same way you have, your beliefs and perception of the world are uniquely your own. These beliefs and perception build over time and eventually form your inner game.
Successful people who have great inner game recognize the incalculable importance your perception and beliefs have on what you achieve in life. Tony Robbins says there are two types of beliefs: empowering beliefs and disempowering beliefs. The more empowering beliefs you engrain into your mind and the more disempowering beliefs you wash out, the more likely you are to achieve your goals and the more rock solid your inner game. Below are a few examples of empowering and disempowering beliefs that influence your inner game.
Examples of empowering Inner Game Beliefs:
I am attractive
I am smart
I have a strong work-ethic
I am the type of person who works hard to achieve their goals
The world is a beautiful place
People are generally good
With hard work anything is possible
Examples of Disempowering Inner Game Beliefs:
I am dumb
I am a bad conversationalist
I will never be physically fit
Women do not find me attractive
I don’t have the determination in me to achieve my goals
The world is a terrible place
You just have to get lucky if you want to have the things you want in life
The focus of inner game is to achieve mastery over your beliefs and perception, and use them to serve the purposes of building the kinds of relationships you want with other people.
In some cases, achieving this sort of mastery over your inner game requires a major overhaul on the way you think. Most of us have a ton of shitty bad beliefs built up in our minds that are keeping us from getting what we really want in life. In my case, I was raised in a conservative Christian family, and I had a dad who loved me a lot and instilled in me a really strong work ethic, but at the same time I was guilt tripped and brainwashed into believing a lot of stuff that really crippled me as a person and had an impact on my inner game with women.
Here’s a short list of some of my old bad beliefs that were hurting my inner game when it came to my relationships with women. I’m sure a lot of you guys can make a list of negative beliefs of your own that are similar to this:
I have been taught to believe being shamelessly sexually attracted to women is bad
I will be punished in worse ways than I can possibly imagine if I have sex with multiple women
I am not worthy of being able to have the most beautiful women in the world
I’m an introverted person. Going into nightclubs is never going to be fun for me. I hate having stupid conversations with people. This shit is shallow and fake.
I am not an attractive person. Even if I have an attractive lifestyle and have good game, at some point women will see the real me and they probably won’t like it.
I’m too young to pull hot girls. Its nice that I want to learn game, but I won’t be able to get the women I really want until I’m much older.
If a long time goes by and I haven’t started to succeed with women my friends are going to make fun of me. It could ruin my friendships.
What if the people in the club think I’m weird because they see me going around every night talking to a ton of girls?
What would my dad say if he knew this was the kind of man I was becoming?
is a really cool idea, but I’m never going to be on the level where I could be anything close to that. If I’m lucky I’ll just get a hot girlfriend one day.
Writing some of these old beliefs about my inner game actually makes me cringe now. Its crazy to think I could ever believe some of the things I listed above. At some point, however, I believed all of those things FIRMLY. Can you see how drastically these would have affected my inner game? Because your inner game happens as a set of feelings on the inside, but manifests in your actions on the outside, my actual outer game (things I said and did around women) was affected negatively..simply because of a set of beliefs I chose to buy into.
With that said, I’m still wrestling with tons of bad beliefs that mess with my inner game from time to time, so is Braddock, and so is everyone else. What has made guys like Braddock so successful, however, is that they recognize that bad beliefs that affect your inner game can be changed, and are actively working towards replacing those bad beliefs with empowering beliefs.
Over the course of this journal, I’m going to share with you guys exercises, ideas, and techniques I’ve learned from Braddock and others that are going to help you clear out the disempowering beliefs that are killing your inner game in your head and replace them with awesome new outlooks that are going to help you kick ass with women and put your inner game on steroids!
Here’s a taste of what I’m talking about below…
Inner Game Principle #1: Be a Kid In a Toy Store
If you are going to commit to the long haul of getting good at game, you are going to have to figure out ways to make the learning process something you are passionate about, but also something that’s a TON OF FUN.
I wanted to leave you guys today with a metaphor I learned from Braddock on inner game that has had an amazing impact on how much fun I have when I go out. Try to hold on to this simple metaphor as you go out this weekend, and feel how much more fun you find yourself having and the positive impact this inner game principle has on you the more this metaphor becomes a true belief in your head.
“When you go out I want you to pretend that you are a little kid going to a toy store filled with your favorite toys. Now you are going to go around and play with some toys and they are going to be fun as shit. Other toys are going to look like they would be fun, but turn out to suck. What do you do if the toy you tried playing with isn’t fun? NEXT TOY. Its that simple. Think of going out as nothing more than play. Its not that serious!” –Braddock
Awesome way to think about things right!?!?!
Adding to this, I want you to think about whether or not a kid playing with a toy is ever thinking things like “Oh God I hope this toy likes me. I hope this toy isn’t mean. I hope this toy doesn’t embarrass me or hurt my self-esteem.” NO.
I used to worry so much what girls would think if I said something stupid or if they blew me out. I had this fear of what would happen if I would somehow see them again someday and they would remember me, and laugh at me. I think a lot of guys worry about this. Obviously hosting thoughts like this in your head is going to have a huge negative impact on your inner game.
But work on letting these fears go! They are entirely illogical for a number of reasons. For one, I have gone out to the same handful of clubs now at least 3 times a week for 8 months, and I have never opened the same girl twice (at least to my knowledge). Its almost a certainty that you will never see the girls you talk to on any given night ever again. Braddock says, “Pretend the club is a pick-up simulator and everyone in it are just holograms. At 2AM when the club closes, all the holograms just go right back into the ground and the simulation is over.”
Secondly, Its crazy how little anybody remembers. Just recently, I bumped into a smoking hot girl who gave me her number back during my first bootcamp in February. I remember I ran some pretty crappy text game, and after some really awkward texts she fell of the map. But when I saw her again, I started laughing when I realized she didn’t even remember who I was! Looking back, I have opened hundreds and hundreds of sets. Among them there are girls who have said the meanest things to me, who have slapped me, who have made-out for hours with me, and one girl who threw up on me, but if I saw any of those girls walking down the street today I wouldn’t be able to recognize 99% them.
If that isn’t enough to get you to stop worrying about what random people think remember what Braddock says, “In 4 billion years the sun is going to burn out and none of this will have mattered anyway.”
This weekend, you are going out for YOU. You are going out to play and have fun on your own terms. When the night ends your slate is wiped clean and you go right back out there the next night for some more fun. Learn to make the game the exciting highlight of your weekends. Learn to love it! Can you imagine how big of an impact these types of beliefs have on your inner game?
This wraps up the first full week of the Neverender journal series. I really do appreciate everyone for checking in, and for all the feedback. I hope you guys are able to take some of the stuff you have read about this week and were able to find ways to apply it to your game.
We start back up again on Sunday. Have fun this weekend!
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