4 Crucial Inner Game Wakeup Calls For Your Dating Life
4 Tips On Inner Game
When I first started learning this stuff there were several inner game sticking points that really held me back. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning this stuff.
Inner Game Tip #1: Relax!!!
If you make talking to women so important that you feel like every approach is the Super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel and your inner game will be constantly in flux. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you no longer enjoy going out.
Just a few weeks of going out with this kind of pressure and you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read dating eBooks for 7 hours per day instead of 3 hours per day. This is not healthy dialogue and will not lead to rock solid inner game."
HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this inner game or outer game issue. What you need to do is refocus. Go out with specific goals for the night or the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story.” or “I am going to go out and I will try to isolate at least one woman in every group I open and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club.”
Don’t grade yourself to hard. If you do meet most of the goals on your list, then it was a successful night. If you find yourself not meeting your goals several nights in a row, then set easier goals for a while. Once you meet those goals consistently, sit down and draw up more complex goals. When you set goals like the one’s above you have measurable, attainable, and realistic goals for every night you go out.
Saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers.” or “My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.” This kind of goal setting is unreasonable and unhealthy for your inner game.
These kind of goals are in no way realistic, you do not allow yourself any room for growth, and no matter how great the outcome, you do not allow yourself the possibility to create momentum from the small successes. 7 of the 10 women you opened were cool to you and you took 3 phone numbers?
Wouldn’t that have been a good night? It definitely would not if you were putting weird restrictions on how you measure your success. Did you ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself.
Can you see how ridiculous thinking like that is? When I first started this stuff I used to think like that all the time. I wanted to be the best TODAY or else. I could have a great night, but it was NEVER enough! How long do you think I lasted thinking like that before damn near having a meltdown? Not very long. I stumbled onto a few resources that really helped my inner game. Brian Tracy – Goal Setting, Brian Tracy – The Science of Self Confidence, David D – Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden – Implementing a Habit.
They helped me to completely change the way I looked at mastering this and any new endeavor. I highly suggest you get your hands on those. A few months ago I did an audio series with Sheriff and Mr. M called “How To Be An Alpha Male” where we attempted to tackle these exact issues. That audio series is full of gold and should clean you up if this kind of stuff is holding you back. Savoy has created a page where you can listen to the first 10 minutes of all of our audio series. If you would like to listen to the first 10 minutes of this one, CLICK HERE.
Inner Game Tip Number 2: Learn In The Field: (Don’t be an arm chair quarterback)
Everyone talks about this, but damn this is far and away the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING myself, makes. You find dating science and you think you can read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and memorize every line. Then one day you hope you will compile the master routine that will give you the power to walk into a bar and spit the greatest routine stack of all time and..... BAM! Girls clothes will just start falling off!!
If you have been doing this and think this will work, you are sadly sadly mistaken and your inner game is likely in trouble. While you do need to do your homework to get an understanding of the basic concepts, you will actually learn more talking to an actual woman, than you will from 100 hours of studying books and DVD's.
As a matter of fact, the reading will not make much sense and will be of little help until you have spent some time talking to women and have put yourself in the exact situation the author is writing about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play golf and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 20 minute lesson and they would kick your ass. The same thing applies to learning outer game and building strong inner game. You must be an active learner. Reading without doing will give your mind distorted conceptions of what it should actually look and feel like.
There are books that I thought were terrible when I first started learning this stuff mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would work amazing on women, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. This is because you don't know what will work until you try it. You can theorize all day, but you are essentially mentally jerking yourself off and wasting your time. If you are not going to actually get out there and try the stuff you are reading, then you would be better off reading books on business or psychology, as to not waste your time.
(Pic Above: Guy on the forums who reads and writes about game, but never actually goes out and talks to women)
After being afor a while and teaching a ton of bootcamps, it becomes so easy to peg the guys who have read everything but who have spent little or no time actually talking to women and it's sad what it does to their inner game. These guys usually know every theory ever written like the back of their hand, they know every the routine by heart, usually better than I do, and can't wait to correct instructors and other students on what they theoretically "should have done" in said situation.
They treat certain dating coaches like they are sages or religious characters. "Well, are you sure we should do it that way, because Mystery said that you should never tell a girl she is hot." "Well Braddock, actually David D says that you should always go for the 3 minute email close in that situation." Next guy that says something like this to me is getting a fucking cock punch for his sake, not mine!
When we go out that night, they are always the guy who is either gun shy, comes off really creepy and calculated, or they are delusional constantly thinking they are much farther along with the women they talk to than they really are. Their inner game is very fragile. Guys like this usually have all the advice in the world and they have millions of stories that nobody can confirm.
DON'T BE LIKE THAT!!!! Living this kind of existence is a complete fucking waste of time and life. This mind set is not proactive and it's not getting you anywhere closer to sleeping with or dating the kind of women that you really want. Being an arm chair quarterback is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, writing about how fun roller coasters are, arguing about which roller coaster is best, but never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why in the hell would you do that!?!? Even if you are not one of the guys who sits around talking about it, but you are reading all the time and not taking action.....then I will almost guarantee that your inner game is rotten and you are still dying inside knowing you should be out there trying this stuff and getting the dating life you've always wanted. Why read all of this shit if you aren't going to use it???
If this is hitting you, I hope you realize that I'm not trying to be mean, I am trying to make a point. I know why people read and read, but don't actually take action. It is the same reason I didn't for the longest time after finding this stuff. You probably only half believe that it is real and/or you are likely scared shitless of facing the unavoidable rejection associated with approaching women and putting your personality on the line time after time. You have probably also read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire the second you start trying to talk to a woman trying to remember every routine you have ever read! I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
For starters you need to set realistic goals!!! This will have a major impact on your inner game and your outer game. Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun, not a job. Set small goals, that add up to equal bigger goals. While doing this, you should be adding just one new piece every couple of weeks and you should only add something new after you have mastered the thing you are currently working on. Stop jumping around working on 300 things at once. What end up happening is that you only get 3% better at 300 things instead of really mastering and internalizing each piece. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but pay that price in small doses, while realizing that not any one set matters. Learning this skill set or any other for that matter is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop trying to "game girls." One of the reasons you feel like a nervous wreck is because you are going out with some secret missioin to "game girls." While you should go out with a few objectives in mind, the overall goal should be to get talkative and playful. The second you can get your mind to accept that as the goal, your nights will go much better. The second you start thinking about what you "should" be doing because of all the pickup books you have read, you will meld down. Your brain will lock up and you will be engulfed with negative feelings and anxiety.
Inner Game Tip # 3: Stop Giving Your Brain So Much Information To Digest
Why your brain locks up
Your brain does not operate well when you give it a different mission every time you leave the house. Until you have mastered a step, don't move on to the next, especially when you haven't mastered the basics. In neurobiology there are concepts called "long term potentiation" and "short term potentiation." Long term potentiation refers to the brain deciding to link up a group of neurons that have been repeatedly fired, creating a neural net, essentially hard wiring a certain task, skill, or thought process. Once you have long term potentiation around a certain skill or thought process, the brain does not have to consciously think about hot to do that anymore. It will essentially run that on auto pilot. For example you don't have to think about how to tie your shoes, but your mind would have to be fully engaged to learn golf if you had never played it. However, for someone like Tiger Woods, he has hit so many golf balls, he has developed long term potentiation and it takes very little conscious thought for him to hit a golf ball.
Short term potentiation on the other hand occurs when you only use a skill or thought pattern randomly. The brain has finite resources and as a result it must maximize efficiency of those resources. If you only do something a few times or only randomly the brain does not link the neurons associated with that into a neural net. It does not want to waste the resources because it assumes you won't use that thought process or skill very often. As a result of never achieving long term potentiation, your brain never puts these process on auto pilot. You will constantly have to put your conscious thought on whatever the activity is.
I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. You must realize that to get long term potentiation you must do the same act repetitively. If you want long term potentiation (if you want opening ot be auto pilot) then you must open a large volume of sets. This goes for putting transitioning, teasing, storytelling, etc.. on auto pilot. However, if you are constantly reading new eBooks without taking the time to get long term potentiation on the most important concepts you are overloading your brain with so much information that you are putting it in a constant state of short term potentiation. You will never reach mastery.
Therefore....Just going out all the time is not the key. You should go out with the goal of working on something specific until you have it internalized. Does that mean if you are working on transitioning you shouldn't try to escalate physically as well? Of course not. It just means that anything past transitioning is simply a bonus. The lion share of your focus will be on transitioning, but if you find yourself in a 3some you aren't going to run away because "I'm working on transitioning, I won't get long term potentiation." Don't be dogmatic about this! Just most of your focus on knocking out one thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Some steps you may master in a week and some may take months. No big deal.
Inner Game Tip #4: Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!!
I know guys who constantly lie about how hot the women they date are and how many women they've slept with in order to impress others. FYI.... NOBODY GIVES A SHIT for one thing and secondly they probably know you are lying. They likely just don't call you out on it in order to avoid an awkward intervention over something ridiculous. However, I will guarantee you that they do talk shit about your lies when you aren't around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your own progress. Guys who get laid all the time and guys who consistently date beautiful women don't feel the need to tell everyone around them about it. They could care less what everyone else thinks about it.
Spend a month really working on the ability to reduce the degree to which you care what others think about you. It's almost impossible to get rid of this completely, but you can greatly reduce it. The first step to stop worrying about what others think about you, is to stop worrying about and comparing yourself to your friends. Stop talking about game with them with them. Use the attraction forums to discuss this stuff if you really need an outlet. This means stop talking about game with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will likely feel slightly jealous and find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at meeting and attracting women, they will be full of advice that is most likely horrid. This doesn't just limit itself to pickup. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just run your own race. This shift will have a massive impact on your inner game.
Stop talking bad about other people. Most of the time when we talk bad about other people we are simply trying to make ourselves feel better, but it actually has the opposite effect and hurts our inner game. This is ridiculous logic, because for every person you can tear down or I can find you someone better than you in another area. The cycle would never end. It's also addictive. You will find yourself judging and talking trash when you really don't even care and likely don't even mean it just because you have conditioned yourself to do it. Even more dangerous is the fact that judging others constantly, makes you more judemental on yourself and your inner game feels out of whack. You start to realize that if you judge others so hard, they must be doing the same to you. This leads to paranoia and unnecessary stress.
My point is that you are your own best compass. I suggest that you only take advice from people who have put their time in the trenches and earned their stripes in whatever endeavor you are trying to learn. Donald Trump would not be wise to ask me how to buy real estate and I would not try to read his books hoping for advice on how to meet and attract women.
Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. This is how you get strong inner game and this is how you learn to talk to women. Once you have done that to the point where you feel you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, "Wow! I've done a shitload of approaches. They haven't all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches."
When you can say that, then go back and grab some of those eBooks and DVD's and look for that next level. When you grab those books after getting a ton of experience they will all make much more sense and you will go apply the material at a much faster pace because you will actually have a point of reference.
Even more importantly, you will no longer have to take everything a dating coach says as fact! I can remember when I first found all of this stuff, I thought a lot of what I read sounded really lame, but at the time I had to take it as fact, because they were supposedly gurus and I didn't have a point of reference to compare it to. After getting out there and really doing some approaches, I could look at material and quickly tell if it was really useful or just some bullshit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. Until I had done quite a few approaches I had no idea what was what.
Soooo, PUT THE BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I'm serious. Life is not lived behind a computer reading about how someone else who is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Take the knowledge that helps you, but go create your own cool stories and exciting experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn't always that cool, I promise.
Things That Will Help Your Inner Game Now
- Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%. For every 1 hour you spend reading about game spend 2 hours actually talking to women. This will create confidence and strengthen your inner game.
- Don't beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you'll never see again. You can't make an omelet if you don't crack some eggs.
- Have the mental frame that, "The first 600 approaches don't count." How can this one girl be the super bowl if you still have 599 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
- Set small goals you can reach each night. Look back in a few months and I know you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
- Stop bitching about other people!!! "If only I had a wing. If only I this or that." Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don't want your goal bad enough. If I said go approach 20 women or I'll blow your mom's fucking head off!!!! Would you say, "Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don't have a good wing." Hell no! You would approach 20 women in 10 min to save your mom, but you won't approach 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve?????????? That's ridiculous. Stop being a pussy, period.
Nothing in this article is meant to be mean. I just remember how bad my girl situation was and how bad my inner game was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a little kick in the ass...
Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
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