Symptoms of Fuckarounditis
Before I get started, credit Martin Berkhan (pictured above) over at leangains.com for coining the term ‘fuckarounditis.’ Just fyi if you guys are looking for some help with strength training and nutrition leangains has amazing content and its all free. Also recommend checking out scoobysworkshop.com. I’m in pretty good shape and its almost entirely due to these two websites and some help from LS instructor Intrigue. Thank you guys for being awesome.
Anyways, I’ve been getting back to regularly going out again FINALLY. THANK GOD. I was hating not getting to hit it as much as I used to, but I think I shouldn’t have any problems getting out about 4 or 5 nights a week again now that things are starting to look better with my business stuff. These next couple of weeks in particular I’m planning on putting in tons of time in set while I’m out to get my game to a really high level as summer comes into full swing. I know recently in the blog I have put a ton of emphasis on having fun, and learning to not be the gamey dude in the club which is all well and good, but dude game is fucking fun and going out with a couple of guys who are into game or don’t give a shit if you approach like a mad man can be equally if not more fun than going out with naturals and being more selective in your approaches. At the end of the day, you have to get the volume in with a bunch or girls in order to master this skillset so don’t always fuck around and shoot the shit with your boys.
In the spirit of getting out there and hitting the field hard I thought I would borrow Martin’s clever term of ‘fuckarounditis’ and list my own set of symptoms of guys in game who suffer from this terrible disease. Practicing game, like working out, can be a complete waste of time if you aren’t practicing the right way. So make sure you are being efficient with your time. ‘Fuckarounitis’ is the term we are going to be using to describe guys who are going out, and not getting results because of bad habits and stupid behaviors. In order to be successful with women, you need to avoid contracting fuckarounditis at all costs.
As I began writing this I noticed the post was going a bit long so this will need to be a 2-parter.
Anyways, lets get started. If you tend to exhibit any of the following behaviors you might be suffering from ‘fuckarounditis’ and should immediately change your ways or continue to suck with women
1. You make the stupidest excuses not to go out- If I put a gun to your head would you be able to go out tonight? While this may sound extreme you need to understand that especially when you are getting started going out and you aren’t used to it your brain is going to try to come up with every excuse it can possibly come up with to get you to take a night off. When I was first getting into game I had just moved to Vegas, and I knew no one out here and I was stuck going out by myself for months and every night while I was eating dinner and getting ready for the night out, my mind would just throw every excuse at me as to why I shouldn’t go out. It would even make my physically tired in an attempt to keep me from going out. You have to push through it! It does get easier I promise you. But like going to the gym, going out and working on your game needs to be a discipline and you need to always show up. Likesays, ‘Just show up.’
If you are missing nights out because you are tired, or your only nice shirt is dirty, or you don’t want to wait in line, or your wingman bailed on you, or you really like this one girl you are texting so you think you don’t need to work on game anymore, shut the fuck up and go out.
2. You are disorganized with your going out schedule- Ties into what I was saying above. Guys who don’t make progress with their game are inconsistent with how often they go out, and don’t plan their going out schedules efficiently. When I’m grinding game, I’m going out Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday come hell or high water. I check the dj schedules ahead of time so I know what clubs will be best on each night, I contact all my promoter friends to help with access, I make sure I have clean clothes ready to go, and if I can arrange who I’m going out with ahead of time I will but again if for whatever reason I gotta go solo that’t totally fine too. I’m showing up no matter what.
3. You go out for an hour or two, do a few approaches, and think that counts as working on your game- Sometimes I read random journal entries where guys talk about the 3 sets they opened and call it a good night. Wtf? When I was getting started and really nervous about opening I would use the notepad on my phone to count and make sure I did at least 10 approaches every night. And after I hit 10 I would always try to squeeze out as many more as I could. Its like lifting weights, the muscle growth comes when you are pushing the muscle to the point where it can’t go on anymore. If opening 5 sets a night is as much as you can do right now fine, but if you do 5 tonight tomorrow do 6. Grow to the point where you can go the whole night, and if you open one set and pull thats great, but if you need to you can open sets until the house lights come on. Obviously, if you go out like every night you can’t game for 4 hours every night, but make sure you are building the social stamina to where if you needed to you could. So much of success in game just comes form sticking it out. If the club closes at 4am, the guys who suffer from fuckarounditis are going home at 2:30 which is a HORRIBLE decision. Most of the glory to be had comes from the last 2 hours of the night. The rewards from game quite often go to the guys who condition themselves to stick it out and go to the bitter end.
4. You do a million 2 minute sets- If you are brand new and opening is tough, then yes you have the right to open a bunch of 2 minute sets. But, more often than not even when guys are plenty comfortable approaching they keep on with the habit of ejecting early and finding a new set. I often wonder if the only thing a girl can do to keep these guys in set is just like start jerking him off right there in the club. Just like you need to have stamina for how long you can go out, you need to have stamina for how long you can be in set. PUSH IT. Approach a set, and stick it out through the awkward silences, and stumble along, and feel your social skills start to improve dramatically. Again, game isn’t all flashy shit. A lot of times, victory is just going to go to the guy that is willing to stick it out longer than all the other dudes. Good sets often take around 40 minutes, and there are plenty of nights where a great set can go for an hour or longer. Do you think if you meet some stone cold 10 she is going to want to go home with you because you could open and then transition, drop in an attraction routine and a qualifier, and then stand there like Ta-Dah! Unlikely. Condition yourself to be able to go for the long haul in set and stop ejecting early.
5. You try to shorten what should be a 40 minute interaction into a 5 minute pull- A good set is your baby. It takes time to develop and grow and it needs to be nurtured. When its ready to go, and its time to pull then its time to pull. You can’t rush it. When a girl can sense you are in a hurry it causes discomfort, and suggests that you aren’t a cool dude who is present to the moment. Relax out there. Trust that with enough practice you will see the window when it opens and there’s no need to force it. Guys who are always going a million miles an hour miss out on all the most important parts of creating concrete attraction with the girl as well as missing out on picking up on all the subtleties to any given interaction. As a result, they don’t improve.
6. You are addicted to phone numbers- Back in the 1980s before cell phones, text messaging, and caller id, getting a number may have been a big deal. Today, however, getting a girls number or number closing is the most overrated thing in game by a MILE. On a Saturday night in Vegas, I’m guessing I could probably get 50 numbers. And I really don’t think that’s an exaggeration. Nor is it a brag as its just a testament to how stupid numbers are. Every once in a while one of those random numbers you got from a girl in 5 minutes converts into something but its so rare that its almost not worth taking the time to text her. Take pride in the solid phone numbers you get that come from quality interactions. I can usually tell right off the bat whether or not a number is going to be any good or not when I get it. Do not waste your time or torture yourself by getting a million flakey numbers every night only to get flaked on during text and then be left scratching your head wondering if its because your text game is shitty. One of the most helpful lessons I learned from Braddock is that the key to good phone and text game is to have awesome interactions in person. It can be incredibly tempting to have a great 2 minute interaction with a girl and then take her number and leave on a high, but its fools gold I’m telling you and it doesn’t produce results. Understand the girl has to really feel comfortable with you in most cases to make numbers really convert. Even if you get a make-out with a girl, it doesn’t mean she is going to respond to your text.
7. You are more worried about not getting rejected or avoiding embarrassment than you are about getting the girl- A lot of this boils down to inner game. You need to accept that you are you and you like girls, and you like talking and flirting with girls, and you like hooking up with girls, and you don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks about that. Girls want to feel that when you approach them that you are fully present to the interaction, and you are a guy that is going after what he wants. They don’t want to sense that you have this inner-dialogue in your head about all the different ways this interaction might go down. Something Tyler says and its so true is that a great way to judge whether or not you are truly focused on getting what you want out of an interaction is if you have a boner. If you are talking to a hot girl you should be at least turned on that you are talking to her. If you are turned on by talking to her she is going to get turned on because you are turned on. If you are worried about getting rejected or what other people think then you aren’t going to be able to be focused and relaxed enough to enjoy the sexual tension. If you are noticing a theme here its that a lot of success with game comes down to simple shit. While you should always be working on improving your skills, so much good stuff can happen just by showing up, opening sets, staying in sets, and letting yourself get turned on.
8. You do the same stuff over and over again and think you are improving- Your game should constantly be evolving and growing. If you go out every night run the exact same interactions and don’t play around with new ideas then you don’t grow. I have a friend who’s game consists of an opener, a transition, and then him backing his ass up on the girls and dancing on them. Its really funny to watch, and the girls crack up but it hasn’t gotten him any results. He doesn’t take the time to think about changing his approach though so he doesn’t grow.
9. You are addicted to study material- I love new game theory shitl. I eat up all the game material I can find all the time. Love it. But I also go out a shit ton. One of the most common symptoms of fuckarounditis in game are guys who spend all their time studying and never go out. The work is done in the field. As I have illustrated in the previous points, most of your success is just going to come from going out, staying out, opening sets, and getting turned on. I would say the other two most important factors to game are developing strong sub-communications and having abundance. How do you get strong sub-coms and abundance? GO OUT. Game stuff is awesome. It helps keep you enthusiastic about going out, and gives you cool stuff to help fine-tune your skills. But all the growth and success comes from time spent in the field. Keep your going out to studying ratio at like 80/20. But I’m sure you have heard that speech a million times so lets move on.
10. You get bummed out after a couple of sets go bad and it ruins your night- Personally, it takes me a while to get warmed up. I work from home on a computer all day. Then I go to the gym and keep my headphones on the entire time. Quite often, unless I have been chilling with my roommates earlier, the first conversation I may have all day will be my first open of the night. Changing gears from work mode to social mode takes time, and I know this so I’m not bothered if my first handful of sets don’t go well. There’s all kinds of rules people say about this kind of stuff. Like first 10 approaches don’t count. First 2 hours don’t count. And so on. Whatever you need to tell yourself to understand that its ok if you get blown out a few times in a row do it. Additionally, keep in mind that game has variance. Some nights even when you feel good and you are doing everything right you just get shitted on. Who knows why this happens, but for guys who don’t make progress in the game they let a few bad sets stifle them and they wind up going home early or getting drunk. Work on building your tolerance for rejection. You will get a fuck ton of it.
11. You only approach easy sets- Ummmm wellllllllll…. Whats the best way to get good with talking to hot girls. Talk to hot girls! Dude Vegas is loaded with cute little asian girls and I love them to death, but you can’t get sucked into the trap of talking to green lights all night. Its ok that you freeze up around bombshells right now, or you don’t even feel comfortable talking to the hot bartender. Keep exposing yourself to it, and give yourself the time you need to get comfortable with the hottest girls so that you can eventually pull them.
Alright this is long enough, but I’ll continue this later for sure because its important.
Haven an awesome weekend guys and thanks for reading!
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